Friday, February 4, 2011

Peeing standing up

For as long as I can remember I've been a slight germaphobe.  It's not based on fact or real knowledge of germs, it's more of a "eww, that's just gross" kind of thing.  Public bathrooms are the grossest places I can think of.  When I was younger, I wouldn't go near one, no matter how bad I had to go.  Of course once I became pregnant with my first daughter this wasn't really an option.  A pregnant woman is worse than a drunk person who broke the seal.  Now after 2 kids, I really can't hold it for as long as I used to.  I still really, really hate public bathrooms though. Which is why I always envied men. They can walk into a bathroom and touch nothing but themselves. And let me tell you, I have on occasion peed in a mens' bathroom, and they are always cleaner.  Just another reason why men have it so much easier, my husband specifically. 

This morning my intention had been to get out of the house at 9am, get Elyse new sandals, Kayla some new bottoms, treat myself to a haircut and be back by lunchtime. It didn't quite work out that way.  I didn't drag myself out of bed until almost 10.  Somehow I made it through an entire shower without either one of the kids knocking on the door or walking in to talk to me.  Don't be fooled though, they did come in while I had one contact in my eye and another in my hand.  Just blind enough to not really see if they were touching things they shouldn't.
Then before I could leave I had to listen to my husband complain that I had left him with the kids every morning this week, today was his day off, he was tired and wanted a break. "When was his day off to relax?" he wanted to know. (SERIOUSLY?? Don't even get me started buddy).  Apparently laying in bed in a semi-coma not really paying attention to the kids is hard work. I have no idea how his brain can even let him do this.  I also have no idea how he thinks food would get in the house had I not gone to BJ's Monday and Publix Tuesday.  But whatever, apparently as a stay at home mom with a hard working husband such as mine, I am a very lucky woman and most woman wish they could be he says.  In theory I'm sure this is true on a lot of different levels, but I don't always feel as lucky.  Different issue for a different day.  Finally I got out of the house at 11:30, got 2 pairs of shoes, 1 pair of pjs, a pack of socks, and 5 bottoms all for $50.Yea me!
Sooo, as I'm waiting to get a haircut I notice that's it's way past lunch time (maybe 1:30pm?) and my husband hadn't called me since I left.  Decided to call him and it went something like this...
Me: "Did you give the kids lunch?"
Him: "They had gummy bears"
Me: "LUNCHH! I said LUNCH! That's not lunch!!!" while thinking WTF?? Is this man retarded, we don't even have gummy bears, let me not even mention that Elyse should be napping right now.
Him: grumbling "Goodbye let me go make them something to eat"

Ahhhh, Lord give me patience....

So an hour later I get home, open the door and smell burning hot dogs. He's in the kitchen cutting up their 2:30pm. 

Anyway, cut to after the kids go to bed and come out 3x for no reason other than to get yelled at by me to get back in bed. I tidy up, unload the dish washer, load it back up, and wash the pots...all while he lays on the couch watching tv.  I go upstairs to lay down for a minute and wake up an hour later with my face in a puddle of drool...luckily I fell alseep on his pillow ;-).  He comes upstairs, looks for his phone, asks me a random question about how I'm feeling, doesn't wait for the answer, starts getting dressed and says "Ok, I'm going to meet the guys at the Pub. Bye Babe".  He seriously left without even looking back or saying anything else. I honestly stayed in bed for a few minutes trying to wake up and figure out what happened.

Must be nice having an outlet or friends who actually make time to get together, relax, and enjoy each others' company. I wouldn't know about that because all of my friends are mothers who have no time for such things.  Again, different issue for a different day.

And all that is why I really wish I had been born to pee standing up...

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